Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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