ya dads aren't the best wingmen
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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