I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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