kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
