Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
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you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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