We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Randomize
