Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Randomize