a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
