Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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