Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize
