Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
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