Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Randomize
