Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
