I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
