I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
