Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Randomize
