apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
