Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
