just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
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