i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
