Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
