so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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