Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
