it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
