You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
