When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
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