he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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