If i come over, it means nothing
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Randomize