and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
