Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Randomize
