your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
