I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
