Whats the glycemic index on semen?
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize