You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
me + whiskey = a bad person
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
