she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
foreskin is a definite game changer
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Randomize
