I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
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He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
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Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
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