She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
