it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
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