is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
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