So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Randomize
