The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Tornado booty call.. dedication
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
did you just send me my own nude
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
