Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
