The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
