You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize
