Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Randomize
