this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
