Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
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Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
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The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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