Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
