He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Randomize
