Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
And then my night got REAL pukey
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
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