so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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