Welp...herpes.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
Randomize