I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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