I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
