she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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