Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Randomize