super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Randomize
