if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
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She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
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That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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