I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
