just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
