I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
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