pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
