Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
