Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
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