lets start a swedish sibling band together
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
19 Characteristics That Make People Instantly Attractive
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
25 People Confess What They’re Shamefully Attracted To
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus