Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
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Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
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We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says