oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country