I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick