Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
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I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
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at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!