at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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