I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
