Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Randomize
