When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Holy shit dude........stairs
Randomize
