I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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