I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
