Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
