There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
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